The Godly Guide to Writing Fanfiction
by storm-brain
Summary: In which Aish Sheva, Zoe Nightshade, Theia47 and storm-brain go interview the gods about writing tips. Features Apollo on characters, Athena on plot, Ares on cliches, Aphrodite and Artemis debating the use or romance, and more. **needs rewrite**
1. Prologue

**Welcome to the Godly Guide to Writing Fanfiction, chock full of the god's writing tips. Coming up we have**

**Apollo on characters  
Athena on plot  
Hermes on setting  
Ares on the use of clichés  
Demeter on grammar  
Aphrodite on Emotions  
Aphrodite and Artemis debating romance  
Hestia on giving CC  
and Persephone on accepting CC and using it to your benefit instead of insulting the person that gave it to you. **

**O-o**

They stood on the walkway, staring out at the scene before them. Olympus was cloaked in the soft morning light, and, six hundred floors below them, Manhattan glowed pink. ("It's seven thirty in the morning," Sheva grumbled. "Apollo is _so _lazy.")

"It's beautiful, though. I mean, look at that." She herself does not look at the scene below them but opens up her camera bag and starts trading the macro lens currently attached to her camera for a wide angle lens.

"No." Sheva said firmly. "Our appointment is in ten minutes. We don't have times."

"The gods have eternity. They can wait for me to take this picture."

"Move," Zoe Nightshade advised, kicking Storm in the knee. Their snickered, and Storm frowned at her.

"_Why _did we bring you again?"

"Um, because I'm _awesome. _Duh." Theia blinked few times, and Storm laughed.

"Kidding." But still, she looked wistfully at the landscape next to them.

The four writers tried to hurry, but once they reached the market, 'hurry' seemed like a lost cause. To their credit, they did not let Theia try nectar or Zoe buy an Artemis poster.

"Look," Sheva pointed. "Kosher ambrosia."

"No." Zoe then promptly stopped to admire a red sharpie that would burn the words you wrote into the mind of whoever's fanfiction you edited.

"Um, guys? We have six minutes." Storm checked her watch, and again they rushed off.

"Where are we going, exactly?" Theia asked.

"Well, I typed it into MapQuest," Sheva paused to pull a neatly folded paper out of her pocket. "Turn right at the edge of the market next to the t-shirt stall." They did, and followed the instructions down a winding road towards a small, dinky building, quite outclassed by the marble surrounding it.

"You'd think the gods would have a nicer briefing room," Zoe mumbled.

"They don't do interviews much," Sheva acknowledged. "But this is a crisis."

"Me and Sheva will talk to Apollo first about characters," Storm reminded everyone, "While Theia and Zoe talk plot with Athena."

"We _know." _Zoe snapped. "You've told us like, fifty times on the way up, not to mention the dozen PM's, twenty three text messages and seven reminder calls."

Storm wasn't convinced. "Remember to write everything down, Theia."

"Oh my gods. I _know_. Shut up." But Theia raised her Netbook to show that she was prepared.

"And Sheva, remember to ask Apoll—"

"_Storm. _You're really getting annoying. We've been through this." Sheva snapped. "Come on."

Somewhat annoyed—under no circumstances could they screw this up—Storm double checked to make sure she had her own Netbook.

"We're exactly one minute early."

Everyone ignored her, and Theia knocked on the wooden door.

**Coming up, Apollo discusses characters and Sheva disagrees with his football team. **

**If there's anything not mentioned on the earlier list you want to hear about, please tell me in a review and I'll add it in.**


	2. Apollo on Character

**Chapter two to the Godly Guide. I did my best to keep Apollo in character, not sure if I succeeded. But here goes. **

**O-o**

Appearances, they soon learned, were deceiving.

On the outside, the office looked small and dinky. But inside, though a far cry from the grandeur of the other buildings scattered about, it was larger and then Storm's house. The paneled walls were covered with scenes from Greek history. Hercules and the hydra, Sisyphus and his boulder. And, in a fresher looking painting, Percy Jackson riding a tidal wave. Storm scowled at it.

"What is that doing there?"f

"Oh my gods, Storm." Sheva rolled her eyes. "He's a hero, OK?" before walking up to the reception desk. "We have some interviews with the gods?"

"Names, please," the green-tinted nymph sitting at the computer said.

"Aish Sheva, storm—brain, Theia47 and Zoe Nightshade."

"Mmm hmm." The nymph scanned a list of names. "Brain, Aish, down the hall there. Nightshade and 47 are at the door to the right.

"See you later," Storm muttered. Theia nodded, face almost as green as the nymph.

"What if she blows me up?" Storm thought she heard her whisper.

Wondering the same thing about Apollo, Storm opened their appointed door.

The Sun god had clearly forgotten about this interview until the last minute. He was still wearing his Saints jersey and a Speedo. This was in direct contrast to the mahogany desk that separated them, a desk that gave off an air of formality, except for the signed Paris Hilton photograph on one corner.

"H'lo there." Apollo stared at them for a moment. "Aish Sheva, right? And you are…?"

"Storm. Storm-brain." She took a seat in on of the highly polished chairs.

"The name's Brain," he mimicked her. _"Storm_-brain. You're that beta reader story girl right?"

"Yeah."

"And you're the one that may or may not be murdering my daughter Leto."

"With pride."

"Do you really support the Saints?" Sheva demanded, eyebrows raised. "You're the god of prophesy. Is that why they made it this far?"

Apollo winked. I'll never tell."

The first comment in Storm's notes reads:

_Doesn't really look like a stalker, but the Saints jersey is somewhat suspicious. _

"Hey!"

_He can also read minds. Note to self._

"Anyway. Lord Apollo." Sheva paused a minute. "So we were going to ask you some questions about character development?" It came out as a question.

Apollo leaned back in his seat and made a big show of twiddling his thumbs. "And?"

"So what are some ways that writers can avoid creating Mary Sue character?"

Storm waited with her fingers poised over the computer keys.

"Well, it's hard to say, me being a bit of a Gary Stu myself—"

"Oh yeah." Storm said sarcastically. "You're really perfect. Except for the stalking, womanizing, raping and having an overinflated ego."

"Storm," Sheva hissed. "Watch it."

"You've been talking to my sister, haven't you." Apollo said accusingly.

"Oh yeah. Me and Artemis would be best buds if I stopped killing her hunters or having spies infiltrate the camp."

"Or having Zeus blast them."

"That too."

Apollo grinned. "The main thing you can do to prevent Sueishness is to give your character flaws. Some authors think that making a character clumsy or something will keep them from being a Sue. This isn't true. It has to be something more major. Like your character has a big ego, is a coward, not athletic or whatever."

Later, Storm would add this to her notes:

_List of potential character flaws:_

_Jerk to everyone they meet. _

_Make them a coward_

_Can't fight to save their lives_

_Obsessed with the opposite gender_

_Show off_

_Insecure_

_Shy_

_Depends too much on what other people think. _

"And how do you tell if your character is a Sue?" Sheva asked.

"Well, think of a resounding flaw. Harry Potter thinks he knows and can do everything. Percy Jackson is stupid, and also thinks he can do everything. So if you have a beautiful character who is really brave and self sacrificing and can fight really well, there's a good chance you have a Sue."

"And appearances are important," Storm commented. "I mean, most teenagers are zitty with bad teeth or frizzy hair or are overweight or something. You can't have your perfect haired, flawless skinned teen with an hourglass figure. It just doesn't happen."

"Unless it's a daughter of Aphrodite."

"Yeah. But I once saw a story where the summary was "Do you want to read a story about a beautiful demigod named Emma." I mean, come on." Sheva added. And Storm added another blurb to her notes.

_Potential Physical flaws_

_Overweight_

_Zits_

_Frizzy hair_

_Dorky glasses_

_Premature balding_

_Looks about five years younger then they actually are_

_Really, really short_

_Really, really tall _

"Also, to keep a character realistic, you need to give them a life. A past, a family, hobbies."

"Unlike Bella."

"We know you hate Bella, Storm. You can shut up now." Sheva cut in.

"Sorry."

Apollo was clearly getting into the interview thing now. The other gods clearly didn't ask for his opinion enough."I mean, you can't just take a character and throw them at a monster. What has your character been through? They must have had a family at some point. You can't just kill their mother and then have them forget it as they go off to fight the gods, you know? They should remember their family. Even if it wasn't the best family life there should be a moment they look back on often. What is your character's history? Taking care of their mother while never having a friend isn't a history. It's a cardboard character."

"High five." Storm offered a hand, and Apollo hit it so hard that she flinched. "Ow.f"

"Sorry. Anyway. Where was I? Oh, right. History. Like how at one point I fought the python, and had that incident with Daphne. Or how my mom was Leto and me and Artemis—"

"Yes, yes, we know all about your history." Sheva smirked. "We're talking hypothetical here, remember?"

Another except from Storm's note read as follows.

_Character history_

_Friends from a long time ago_

_Parents divorced_

_Dad is still living with cancer and the kid wants to save him_

_Step mom the best person in the world_

_Moved from state to state_

_Almost kidnapped when they were little by monsters_

"Ah yes. Anyway. You also have to give your characters some personality. Everyone has something they're passionate about. I, for example, play the lyre and write haiku. Sheva kills Mary Sues. And Storm…"

"I write," Storm said quietly.

"Ah, of course. And their hobby can't be all related to their parents. I mean, if a genius kid who is a musical whiz shows up, everyone knows they're mine, ya know? But if a kid shows up and is obsessed with photography, then the possibilities are endless. After all, Storm, do your parents like writing?"

"My mom's a biologist and my dad works for Microsoft."

Apollo frowned. "Macs are better."

"Not even. PC."

"Mac stands for Most Awesome Computer, where as PC stands for Piece of—"

"Hello!" Sheva shouted. "I hate off topicness. You were saying?"

"Ah, yes. Hobbies. Now you could have your character obsessed with Most Awsome Computers or something. Everyone has something that makes them tick."

And that, of course, was the next list that Storm has decided to publish.

Potential hobbies

Writing

Photography

Listening to Music

Soccer

Computers

Pottery

"Also, your characters need to change throughout the course of the story. I mean, after you go through some dramatic and traumatizing experiences you're not going to be the same person. Percy wasn't the same after his first quest. Bella was the same after the James incident, but we don't talk about cardboard cut outs like her."

"Let's not talk about her," Sheva agreed. "Ever. We don't want to confuse the readers by bringing up bad role models. "

"They're easily confu—hey. What's that?" Storm pointed to a keychain on Sheva's belt loop. It was shaped like a disco ball, but had the glow of magic about it.

"This? I stole it off a Gary Stu the other day. It turns into a spiked mace. Really good for killing Sues."

"Nice." Apollo stared at it for a moment, then blinked. "So. Character development can be something basic. Maybe they stop hating someone, or start fighting instead of running away. Or maybe they end up more confident. Or, if they were a show off, maybe they're less confident, less inclined to try and impress people."

"That might do you some good."

"Be quiet, Aish."

"Sheva."

"Whatever. Hey Storm are you writing this down?"

Storm's hair had swung down to cover her face as she pounded away on t he keyboard.

_Apollo is acting like a bighead again. No I have not missed one word of your speech, except for a few apostrophes. My English teacher would not approve of that. _

The god frowned. "Have we covered everything? Mary Sues, flaws, hobbies, development, appearance. Oh!" He snapped his fingers. "Out of character-ness."

"That's OOC for all you newbies," Sheva added, and Storm made a note.

"If you have a shy character, they can't suddenly become witty and sarcastic before going back to shy. And if you use Riordan's characters, such as myself, they must not suddenly change. Percy can't suddenly become the Hottest Person Alive, because that title is reserved for me. But you know what I mean?"

"Yes. Very well." Sheva scowled, and Storm knew she was imagining all the OOC Percy's she had battled.

Storm glanced at her list of possible talking points. "Do you want to go over POV?"

"What about it?"

"They're abusing the third person. You know how this whole chapter is from my point of view? I'm not suddenly breaking into Sheva's head. You can't bodyjump. At least have a line break."

"You're one to talk," Sheva muttered, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"I know I know. I don't do that anymore."

"Oh, and you can't retell an event from the other character's point of view. It's just really annoying to see 'Annabeth POV: "Hi Percy!" I said. Percy POV: "Hi Percy!" Annabeth said." Apollo clearly couldn't be left out for long, but he had a good point. Storm made a note in capital letters.

PICK A POV AND STICK TO IT.

"Uh oh. We're almost out of time." Storm looked at the clock in the corner of her screen. "Thanks for helping the fandom become a better place."

Apollo grinned, cracking his knuckles. "Any time. Oh. And a child of mine would never be a Titan."

Storm stood, shoving her computer back in her tote bag, which had "Green is the new black" written on the side in large letters. "You never know. You kind of abandoned her."

"Hey! I did no such thing."

"Sure. Sure you didn't."

"I resent that remark!" Apollo called after the two CCers left.

Storm laughed, and the door swing short behind them.

Summary of Storm's notes:

Overall Apollo is kind of self centered, but don't tell him that if you value your life. Or if he's reading your mind. Whatever. But he has some good ideas about characters. There's a really great character helper on Rick Riordan's website. But if you want a quick way out, here are some things to remember about your new character.

-Flaws in personality

-flaws in appearance

-hobbies

-history

-talents.

-Point of View. How does your character see things? Critically? Optimistically?

These things will help bring your character to life.

One thing that we didn't mention is names. Names aren't really a big deal, though I like to give my character's names meanings. Leto, for example, means "Hidden One" And "Melanie" means "Dark, black." If you go to a baby names website and search for green names by meaning, you can type in part of their personality and se what fits. It just adds an extra layer to your characters.

So go shape up those characters you have no, or else Sheva will be greatly displeased. And, to be frank, I won't be too happy either.

Coming up, Zoe and Theia will be discussing the finer points of plot with Athena. So stay tuned.

O-o

**Hope you picked up some good tips in there. It's all too true. **

**Pineconeface—that's the goal. Because most people don't really read the boring ones. I'm trying to keep Apollo in character as well. **

**Zoe—I don't think you're a jerk. It was an accident. Anyway. Everyone kicks me when I get my camera out… **

**Sheva—ask and you shal receive. I wasn't sure if you liked Twilight or not, so yeah. Had to guess there. **

**Theia—I meant netbook, like the computer. **

**Kal—yeah. I fixed that. Gracias. **


	3. Athena on Plot

Zoe and Theia were both trembling a little as they knocked on Athena's door. It swung open without help, revealing a small, sparsely furnished office. Apparently Athena didn't hold with decorations.

Unlike Apollo, the goddess of wisdom seemed to be on top of everything. She wasn't wearing a jersey, at least. She studied both writers critically as they came in.

"You are from the Veritas?"

"Um, yeah." Unsure if they were suitable representatives, Theia waited next to one of the metal kitchen chairs that faced Athena's desk. The room had the feeling of a jail.

"You've expanded, then. But what about Honest101, Jason Strong, JetLinkon…"

"Gone," Zoe said glumly.

"But we've got Encre, Kal…" Theia added. "And Storm's back. Kind of. Sort of. For now."

Athena squinted at her face. "Are you Theia? The one who showed me as an insensitive jerk?"

"Um, you kinda caught my main character's sister and turned her against the MC."

Theia received several seconds of icy stare before Athena seemed to decide to put the matter behind her. "True. Now. You wished to discuss plot?"

Zoe took the lead. "Yep. We've been seeing too many recycled plots. Kid goes to cap, kid gets quest, kid gets hooked up and kid saves the world."

"That sounds like Percy's story" Athena winced as she said the name.

"That's why it's become a cliché."

Athena nodded earnestly. "Plotting is like a battle plan." A piece of paper and a uniball pen appeared on the table out of nowhere, and the goddess drew two circles on opposite ends. "This one is where they start, and the other is the end. And here," she drew a squiggly line between them, "is the bridge from place to place."

Theia pointed her webcam at the drawing and took a picture.

"Name a story," Athena demanded of Zoe.

"Um, Titan's Curse."

"And a fanfiction."

"Um… Years of our Titans."

"Good. So. Titans curse." Athena had taken on the tone of an English teacher assigning her class a new essay format. "We start out with—" wince "—Percy at Westover. Annabeth falls off a cliff." Athena drew arrows pointing to two spots on the timeline, and labeled them "W.H." and "Cliff" in flawless calligraphy.

"You can mark all the important points, and how they relate. See? Artemis disappears here, which relates back a few pages to where she left in search of the monster." She drew a dotted line between the two lines on the chart. "And we can draw a dotted line from Thorn disappearing over the cliff to Thorn reappearing in San Fran. Bianca's death links to Nico's running away." Soon the page is full of dotted lines, and it's starting to look like less of an outline and more like chickenscratch, connecting random points. "It should all be connected, with no lose ends. It only takes a few lose ends to unravel the tightly woven fabric that is your story."

Their remembered that Athena was the goddess of the loom.

"Now, we look at the Years of our Titans."Athena flipped the paper over.

"We start with the Titans in control, and end with the Titans losing. But we have all this space in between. And see? We have these major events—" she fills in part of tie timeline "—but they don't relate. It's just moving forward, ignoring what was behind it. Whole characters disappear. You want something tighter, more like Titans Curse."

"Outlining is good," Theia agreed.

"Yes. Know, or at least have a general idea of where your story is going before you start. More ideas, maybe even story changing ideas, may come along the way, of course."

"When Storm started Wasted Wishss and Silver Scythe she had no idea where they were going." Zoe said tentatively.

"Well." Athena folded the outline paper crisply. "That explains a lot."

"And what do you recommend to do about monsters?" Theia asked.

"Go to Google," Zoe and Athena said at the same time. Athena fell silent and let Zoe speak. "Google Greek monsters and try and find on that isn't used too much. Wiki works."

"Like your monsters, your plot has to be different from the norm too. Everything has been done before. What you need to do is to take an idea, make it different enough that it's memorable. Maybe instead of Ares, Aphrodite is the guilty party. Or Poseidon."

"I bet you'd love that," Zoe said before she could stop herself. Athena stared at her for several long seconds.

"It would be nothing but the truth."

"True…"

"But don't overcomplicate your plot, like James Patterson is guilty of doing. Remember. The plot is for the characters, the characters are not just pieces in your plot.

Think of a chess game. You move the piece depending on what it can do—you can't force the bishop to go in a straight line, and the pawn can't become a queen until it reaches the other side of the board."

Theia nodded, liking that analogy. "No easy outs," she added.

Athena's grey eyes brightened. "They may be saved by a random party ONCE. Don't make your characters randomly come back from the dead, ever. If they do there must be a reason. And don't have hawks come randomly out of the blue to help them, and you defiantly can't have them say 'Oh look at that' and run away. Like they do in all those Disney movies."

"Keep it realistic," Zoe agreed, and Theia summarized everything with a

_DON'T WRITE LIKE MAXIMUM RIDE_

In her notes.

"And it's not just with escapes. Don't switch it to AU in the middle. Don't make Percy and Ares best friends. Don't throw something really weird in. Don't stretch people's powers. Thalia can't fly." Theia said passionately. "I mean, C'mon."

"Yeah," Zoe sighed. "But don't make it so realistic and bland that no one cares. Or clichés. Sheva and Storm are talking to Ares about clichés next."

When Athena stood, it was without any warning. Thankfully she was human sized. "I'm running late for my next appointment—I said I'd go try and save the Seattle Public Schools, but I think it's a lost cause. Good luck with the Godly Guide. Now please close your eyes."

They did, and the room burned bright for a few seconds before Athena disappeared.

"We survived," Zoe grinned. "Think Storm and Sheva are done?"

"Don't know." Theia opened the door and stuck her head into the hall. The door to Apollo's study was still closed.

"Guess not. Who do we have next?"

"Hermes," Theia said instantly, having already had this drilled into her by Storm. "But it's not for a bit. Come on. Let's go catch George a rat."

O-o

**This chapter was a little shorter but I didn't have as much to say on plot as I did on character. **

**Encre—**Thanks! I try and keep them all IC as best I can.

**Babykelly—**I hope so. That's what it's here for.

**You Know Who—**Macs are NOT better. Don't get me started. And sure. If you pay me back.

**Awsome-O—Um, the character and grammar stuff is highly recommended. You don't need to follow my outlining strategy if you don't want to. I'm not sure what you're asking…?**

**Luna—I assume you meant 'his'? And yeah. He's a bit egotistic.**

**Theia—no worries. You don't let anyone insult your hobo jacket. You and Aphrodite have an interesting conversation coming. I'll fix the typos. **

**Fishpony—I don't even try and write haiku. I think it would just make it worse.**

**IamAbotticelli—Glad I'm of help. **

**Kal—'twas. I had my font really tiny to keep people from reading over my shoulder, so I miss some stuff.**

**ThePersonaNonGrata—Thanks! And I love your username. **


	4. Ares on Cliches

**In which we discuss plot with Ares. Next up is Hermes on setting.**

**O-o**

Ares was a biker. A godly gangster. And as such was completely above such mundane things as offices.

All they were were briefing rooms for emergencies, to have some sense of normalcy for the interviewers. But maybe Ares was called in more often, because he had spent a lot of time converting his room into a trashy restaurant complete with well endowed waitresses in black leather fitted aprons. Storm looked around, nervously wondering if she should have sent Theia and Zoe instead.

_No. It's your duty as one of the oldest writers on the fandom. Anyway. You owe them for not being there for weeks… _she and Sheva stared at each other, a silent question as to who should go in first. As it turned out, they didn't get a choice.

"May I take your order?" A waitress said in what was clearly supposed to be a seductive voice. Then she stopped, realizing her customers were teenage girls, and stared in shock. Storm, blonde and blue eyed. Sheva, hazel eyes and brown hair. Clearly not children of Ares. She started over, and in a much ruder voice: "What do you want?"

"Um…" Storm wasn't sure I she wanted to eat anything served by a waitress in leathers.

"I bet it's not kosher," Sheva whispered. The waitress didn't seem to hear.

"We, uh, we had a meeting with Ares. I'm storm-brain?" It came out as a question. The waitress frowned, pulling out an iPad and opening it to the calendar page.

"Ah, yes. He isn't here right now. I'll call him." She put the iPad away and took out an iPhone. Storm scowled. Why was this place all Apple?

She and Sheva were shown to a booth in the back. After a moments hesitation, they both slid onto the same side so that no one would need to sit next to the war god, if and when he showed up.

Storm was a little relieved he wasn't there yet, but was also annoyed. She hated when things didn't go to plan.

But he drove in a few minutes later, parking his motorcycle right next to the booth.

"Oh. You're here several minutes before you were expected."

"No," Sheva said boldly. "You're late."

"A god is never late. Everyone else is early."

Sheva narrowed her eyes, but said nothing.

"Now, what were you going to talk to me about?" Ares snapped his fingers at one of the waitresses, and she brought over a cheeseburger as big as a boxing glove. Storm figured that he didn't need to worry about his calorie intake. But all she could think of as she stared at it was all the starving people in the world.

"If you're talking about North Korea, I want to remind you that we've been through this before and—"

"We're not here about North Korea." Sheva said, showing a little of the frustration normally reserved for Mary Sues. "We're from the Veritas here to talk to you about fanfiction clichés."

"Ah." The fat from his burger rolled down his chin. "Well, what about it?"

"What clichés have you noticed often lately?"

"Well, the anti Ares. I never read about MY kids doing anything cool."

"Um, I covered you two year ago." Storm said quietly.

"And made me look like an idiot. TTYL my—"

"You ARE an idiot." Sheva smiled. "Anyway. Ares as the bad guy. Number one on your list, Storm."

1. Ares as the bad guy.

"There are ways you can write clichés well, of course," Storm pointed out. "I have yet to see a story where, say, Ares holds a grudge because of a vital reason, or someone having to be Ares's servant, or something."

"I like the sound of that." Ares wiped juice off his chin with his hand before swallowing the rest of the burger. "Hey, you. Get me some pork." The waitress he was pointing at scampered off.

"The quest stories are also overdone," Sheva mused.

"Yeah. I'm sick of hearing about goody two shoes halfbloods saving the world. Be creative. It's possible to completely revolutionize the meaning of quest." Ares snapped his fingers. "Faster, you!"

The pork bearing waitress ran forward, and he snatched what looked like a whole pig from her.

"Not all quests are cliché. I mean, I've seen some good quest stories. They just need to be well written and interesting." Storm paused. "Only better writers can pull that off. Otherwise it's just a pain in the butt. Like werewolves and vamps, you know?"

"Right-o." Ares swallowed a mouthful whole. Sheva frowned at it, but didn't comment.

"You want some?" Ares had either misinterpreted her stare or was making fun of them. Storm wanted to say yes—it was perfectly cooked, tender and, and made her stomach bubble. But she didn't trust it. Maybe he was trying to poison them. And she was all too conscious of Sheva next to her, staring at Ares as if she'd never seen a biker with flaming eyeballs before.

"Guess now." Storm mumbled. "Um…"

Sheva was still staring, and Ares finally pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on. Storm made a note.

_Sheva vs. Ares staredown. Winner: Sheva. _

"OK. So let's be more creative about how our characters get claimed. Not during capture the flag. There is no excuse for a character to be claimed during capture the flag." Ares said finally.

"No matter how creatively you write it." Storm added, making a note. "It's just gotten old. Same with being attacked by a teacher."

"Sometimes that works, but it has to be different." Sheva said, finally breaking her silence. "but it has to be really, really different, but even if it is, it's probably not going to work. You'll just get written off as a copycat."

"And no chatspeak." Ares banged his fist on the table for emphasis. "Ever."

"Because Ares can't read it," Storm smirked.

"It's just annoying."

"It makes the author look like an idiot, for one," Sheva said, eyes burning. "It's a pain to read. I don't care if you write it all on your phone. It must be in real English."

"And no IM conversations, unless they're, at most, ten lines." Storm was typing furiously. "Never tell an entire story in chat."

"Right. Put that in caps, Storm."

_NO CHATSPEAK EVER_

"Also, if you create a child of the Three and have them be the prophesy kid, you need to make the story really, really good. Because, frankly, we're sick of prophesy kids." Ares cracked his knuckles before shoving nearly a whole leg into his mouth. "The minute we find out they're Big Three, we have a good guess that they're the one."

"It's really hard to pull that off. Stay clear. Especially since most of the Big Choices are lame." Sheva grumbled, stroking her disco ball/mary sue killer.

"And, on that, to have Percy and Annabeth's kid show up at camp you need a really unique plot. Really unique." Ares reminded everyone. "I mean, the thought of those two… _ew._ Not something I want to be reminded of very often." Then he pointed to a waitress. "Pizza. Olive. Now. Then I gotta run."

Sheva and Storm walked out as quickly as they could.

_Storm's final list of clichés:_

_2.__Being attacked by a teacher_

_3.__Claimed during capture the flag_

_4.__Anything dramatic happening during capture the flag_

_5.__Quests to rescue something important_

_6.__Big Three kid_

_7.__Percy's sister_

_8.__Daughter of Artemis_

_9.__Percabeth _

_10.__Percabeth_

_11.__Percabeth_

_12.__Percabeth_

_13.__Percabeth_

O-o

My quest for IC gods continues. I'm not sure how well I handled Ares.

**Theia—**Ok. Will fix the typos. Thanks! And yes, that would be the story.

**Kaleidoscope—**Thanks! Yeah it always makes me sad when a story has potential and then it dies.

**You Know Who—**Sheva's Jewish. It was a joke.

**Jake-- **…what's this about a conspiracy? *is confused*

**PersonaNonGrata—**yeah? Like where?

**Luna—**Thanks

**FishPony—**I hated MR, but that's a long story.

**Awsome-o—**oh. Ok.


	5. Hermes on Setting

In retrospect, maybe the rat—which they had chased through the market until Zoë brought it down with the bow that was normally only used on Sues—had been a bad idea.

"_Can I go back with them?"_ George whined, banging his tail on the desk. _"You never get me rats."_

"_Yes he does,"_ Martha protested. "_Don't be stupid."_

"_He gets _you_ rats."_

"Be quiet, both of you." Hermes commanded, glowing at the caduceus that was leaning up against the wall.

"_But Hermes—" _

"Eat your rat and shut up."

George ate his rat. Then projectile vomited one of the bones across the small office. It landed on Theia's jacket, and, annoyed, she flicked it off. "Gross."

"I hate this office," Hermes grumbled, looking around. "But I never have time to make it more appealing. Always too busy. Want to go outside?"

"Sure," Theia said, eager to see more of Olympus.

They left, and waited on the stoop of the briefing and interview building. "Which way do you want to go?" Hermes asked politely.

Zoe and Theia looked at each other. Zoe shrugged. "Wherever."

"I don't care," Theia said quickly.

Hermes nodded, as if they had said something very important, and set off in the direction of the market. The writers fell into step behind him.

"So. Setting." Hermes paused at one of the stalls and brought a pack of ambrosia squares. "Setting is crucial to your plot. Imagine how this conversation would have looked without the market, Olympus, or anything like that:

"Can I go back with them? You never get me rats." Said George.

"Yes he does. Don't be stupid." Martha said.

"He gets you rats,"

"Be quiet, both of you," said Hermes.

"But Hermes—" George complained.

"Eat your rat and shut up."

"Gross," said Theia when George spat bones onto her.

"See? You're not there. You are detached, floating in space. " Hermes paused at another stall, which sported Hercules Busts Heads memorabilia. He picked up a shirt and examined it. Theia noted that the manager of the stall was watching them carefully, lest the god of thieves steal his shirt. But Hermes slid a drachma over the counter. As an afterthought, he added the entire first season Blu-Ray package.

"But you can't just add it all at once, either. What if I said 'the market was crowded. There were lots of stalls. Someone tried to sell me ambrosia. The sun was out. Theia was wearing a blue jacket."

"That," Zoe said, picking up a replica of Percy's wind thermos, "Sounds like junk."

"Exactly. No one reads descriptive paragraphs."

Zoe tossed the thermos and they set off again.

"See, when you walk into a room, you don't notice everything all at once. You, I'm sure, have noticed that the market is loud and crowded. But you probably haven't noticed that dinky stall selling used Athena statues."

Theia looked around, finally spotting it. "No," she admitted. "I didn't."

"But whenever I go somewhere to steal something, I notice the little things. A broken window, a dog door. It's that stuff that brings to life your story. If you describe the man as broad shouldered and smirking, we can picture him. You don't need to say that he has brown hair, green eyes, and his mouth turns up at one end and he goes to the gym every Sunday afternoon.

If you say the room was swept, but had cobwebs in the corner, we get a sense of the personality of the people that live there. We get more of a feel for the room then we would if you described the patterns on the sofa."

Zoe stopped everyone then to go examine some arrowheads. She was running low on her special ones.

"These are all celestial bronze," the stall-nymph said. "But I'm afraid that Mary Sues aren't solid enough. The arrow would go right through."

"Make your settings unique," Hermes added as they kept moving. Theia wondered if anyone listened to him up on Olympus. He sure as heck talked a lot. "We know all the places in The Lightning Thief. If you are writing a quest story you can look at a map and see where your characters would pass through, pick out famous spots from the different areas. I've never seen anyone blow up the Space Needle or crash Silverwood. If it's not a quest story, maybe their house is different from a standard demigod house. Maybe instead of New York they live in a small suburb somewhere.

"No clichés," Theia decreed. "Try and at least make their school unique or whatever."

"You can use camp, of course, but show us something different about it." Zoe threw in. "We know about the cabins. Don't have your character get to camp and then describe everything that's in the book. But maybe there's something really weird inside cabin five or there's a scarecrow with devil horns at the archery range."

"Just remember." Hermes popped an ambrosia square into his mouth. "A picture is worth a thousand words, but you only really need to read about fifty."

The market stalls cut off, as if there was an invisible wall, and they were walking down an unpaved dirt road surrounded by flowers in full bloom, despite it still being winter.

"_Look!"_ George said, finally speaking up. _"A rat!"_

Theia looked around. There, sure enough, was a small rodent. It was barely large enough to be called rat, but it managed to send George and Martha into a frenzy anyway.

"Stop it!" Hermes ordered as the snakes fell flat on their faces, attacking each other and trying to reach the potential food. They started to roll down the hill as they were unable to move normally. "Get back over here!"

George ignored him, stretching out his tongue as far as it would go. The rat just stared, as if it had never seen two entwined snakes before.

"_No fair! You had the last one!"_ Martha wailed, trying to shove him out of the way. But that sent the both rolling again, and the rat scampered off.

"_What did you do that for?"_ George demanded.

"Be _quiet_." Hermes held out his hand and the caduceus flew back into it, morphing into a cell phone along the way. Their complaints were quickly muffled in his coat pocket.

"So," the gods said in an overly casual voice, as if that had not happened. "Who are you talking to next?"

"Demeter."

"Ah. Well. That's for trying to make the fandom better. It needs it."

His phone rang.

"What?... oh. I'll get back to you. OK, OK, I'll tell him…. No… there isn't any post on Sundays… no, that's the rule. I'm sorry, I can't do anything about it… " he flipped the phone closed. "I gotta run. Here"

He handed Theia the Hercules Busts Heads Blu-Rays, and disappeared.

**O-o**

**But Theia has to share because Storm wants to watch it too! : D while she's at it, Storm wants to borrow Zoe's sue killing arrows. **

**Starlinc—**I'm writing a book too. High five.

**You Know Who—**Apollo covered characters. But Aphrodite on emotions will become quiet, erm, interesting, as will the Romance Debate.

**Emmafer—**dialogue as in explaining stuff? Because otherwise it was going to be a list.

**ThEfLyInGpUrPlEhIpPo****—**I did get permission…?

**Encre—**yeah well. Ares can't stare too well with those eyes.

**Singerinthesilence—**I know. I double checked this one for typos.

**Kal—**here you go.

**Theia—**I double checked this one for typos. And I just write the chapters during English. You really don't want to let me and my camera into the gods garden. Just FYI.

**Jake the Drake—**no…

**Fishpony—**Wasted Wishes is a big 3 fic too. You can pull off clichés it's just harder.

**Carlaina—**Huh? And Alistair is already hated by the Veritas.


	6. Demeter on Grammar

Where's Demeter?"

"Dunno." Sheva shivered. "I'll think about it when I stop getting the creeps."

"Think those waitresses were real?"

"I don't even want to know. Did he just do it to weird us out?"

Storm shrugged. "Probably."

It was strange to walk from a fast food resteraunt into a normal hallway. They hurried up to the desk.

"Do you know where Demeter is?"

"Demeter... Demeter.... I think she's out somehwere. She's not here, anyway. I'll call her."

Storm tapped her foot impatiently. The least the gods could do would be to take ten minutes out of their precious immortal lives. Unlike the gods, the writers didn't have forever.

They waited for five, ten minutes.

"You could just look for her," The nymph said finally, tired of their impatient sighs after Demeter didn't answer her phone.

"Any idea where she'd be?" Sheva asked.

"In the garden, probably."

They left. The garden wasn't hard to spot- it took up at least half of the area. Either Demeter was busy or Zeus really liked flowers.

"Oh my gods." Storm knelt next to a bush and opened her camera bag. "Look at these leaves."

"Ugh, Storm." Sheva grumbled.

"Hey. Demeter's not here yet." Storm ignored the rest of the world for ten minutes, much to Sheva's dismay. "I could spend hours here."

"Don't even try." Sheva hauled Storm down a few random paths. They bumped into the goddess of the harvest mostly by chance.

"Oh." Demeter stared at them for a moment. "Are you those Veritas people?"

"Mmm Hmm."

"Oh. Well." Demeter turned back to her plants. "What were you going to talk to me about, again?"

"Grammar." Storm opened her laptop.

Demeter brightened, moved away from the dirt and sat down on a bench. "Ah, yes. Grammar is very important."

"More then most people seem to think," Sheva grumbled, sitting down on the paving stones cross legged.

"Yes. I looked at a few fanfictions a few weeks ago. The spellling and grammar is horrible. I blame texting."

"Speed, too." Storm added. "I got a review reply once saying that they would rather update quickly then bother to capitalize and put in commas. But when I see a fanfic written like that I usually stop, because if the author is too lazy to capitalize they're probably too lazy to write anything decent."

"Yes." Demeter held out both hands, palms up. "Thank you. You need to capitalize. There's no excuse not to. Microsoft Word even does it automatically for you. Also," she paused and pulled a crumpled sheet out of her pocket and handed it to Sheva.

_look i didnt want to be a half blood. if youre reading this because u think u might be one to then my advice is close this book right now believe whatever lie your parents told u about ur birth and try to lead a normal life being a half blood is dangerous its scary most of the time it gets u killed in painful ways. if ur a normal kid reading this becuz u think its fiction great read on i envy u for being able to believe none of this ever happened but if u recodnize yourself in these pages if u feel something stirring inside stop reading immediatly. u might be one of us and once un know its only a matter of time befor they sense it to and theyll come after u. dont say i didnt warn u._

"Woah." Sheva's eyes were wide.

"It looks like junk, doesn't it?" Demeter commented. "For those of you with perfect spelling and grammar, you may skip the rest of this chapter. For those that don't, I can't stress this part enough. Now. This symbol, ',' is a comma. Whenever the reader takes a pause, like just now, you put in a comma. .The comma should be like second nature to you. You should not even need to think too much about it."

"Also, these are your good friends the capital letters." Sheva took a deep breath. "Ready? ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ."

"Capital letters are put at the beginning of a sentence. They are used when you say "I" and also for all places, names, days of the week and months." Storm announced, still typing away.

"Capitalization is probably the most important part. You can see it right away," Demeter sighed.

"Don't try and rush. I've been working on Cardboard God since… well, I'm approaching the one year mark. Don't rush. Check for typos."

"You're one to talk," Sheva frowned.

Storm tried to look innocent, as in 'typos? Me?' but didn't really pull it off.

"Yeah. Learn from Storm's mistakes in spelling." Sheva advised.

"Not hard to get less typos then Storm," Demeter laughed.

Storm crossed her arms. "I don't appreciate being ganged up on."

"We're not ganging up, we're telling the truth." The goddess smiled. "Everyone should also be aware of their word choice. Repeating words over and over in a sentence usually makes it sound bad. If you don't want to read it out loud, at least read it through a couple times. Extra points for letting it sit a day and then come back to it. If you look at this paragraph:

'Let's go to the gym,' she said. She went into the gym. Inside the gym were some basketballs. She picked up one of the basketballs.

Doesn't that sound bad?"

"My ears," Sheva moaned.

"Nasty," Storm agreed.

Demeter didn't seem to have any sympathy. "And I hope everyone knows about quotation marks. See these little things around my words?"

"Yeah," Sheva said in a well duh voice.

"You put these around the words each time someone speaks. Then, each time a new person starts talking, they get a new paragraph."

"Underline that, Storm."

Every time someone new speaks there is a paragraph break.

"And we don't need to go through periods, apostrophes, et cetera, do we?" Demeter asked.

"I only have one comment on the apostrophe," Storm said. " 'Its' and 'it's'. 'It's' is a contraction of 'it is', and 'its' means 'it belongs to it.' For example:

Its food bowl is empty

It's really annoying.

If you went 'it's food bowl is empty' then it would mean that 'it is food bowl is empty.'"

"And just remember to get the right forms of your, you're, there, their, they're, and so on." Sheva reminded everyone.

"Please do. We've been learning that for years and people still mess it up." Storm sighed.

"Yeah. If you have questions Google it or PM a Verita."

The group was interrupted by a small group running into their area of the garden. It was quiet an amusing site, really. A beautiful woman with her hands raised, shrieking periodically, and two battle worn teenage girls running after her.

"Thank the gods we found you," Theia moaned, plopping down next to Storm. In a low voice, she added, "You can deal wit her now."

"Uh oh." Storm glanced at Aphrodite, who was looking furious. "What happened?"

O-o

**We'll find out next chapter. Suffice to say that Theia and Aphrodite have different values. **

**Now, for what you've all been waiting for…**

…**REVIEW REPLIES!**

**Nick: **Yeah I can't wait to go see it! I think it's gonna suck though, but yeah there will probably be a lot of worse fanfictions out there soon because of it. Oh well. Thanks!

**ThEfLyInGpUrPlEhIpPo: **You are not the all seeing god. Third person is still in the character. You can't jump from viewpoint to viewpoint, e.g. "Percy wished Annabeth would be quiet. Annabeth wished Percy would be quiet." You still are bound to your character at least for that section, so notice things as your character notices them.

**Kal: **yeah, poor Theia.

**Gamefreek: **glad I'm of use.

**Starlinc: **Thanks!

**Fishpony: **yeah, true, but at least you can get city names and stuff.

**Theia: **I'll work that in. But trust me. You and Aphrodite have lots of fun together.

**You Know Who: **what's it called?

**Singerinthesilence: **I never even thought of that but it's a great idea. CHECK GOOGLE EARTH EVERYONE!


	7. Aphrodite on Emotion

Aphrodite didn't notice them at first.

She was sitting on a carved bench, surrounded by roses. A mirror was floating in front of her and she was adjusting her already perfect makeup. Theia was just grateful she wasn't up to anything illicit. That would be awkward.

"Um… hello?" Zoe stepped forward. Aphrodite ignored her. "Hello… Lady Aphrodite? I'm Zoe Nightshade? Here to talk to you about—"

The mirror fell to the ground, where it shattered. One million years of bad luck, Theia added to her notes.

"What did you say your name was?" The goddess demanded.

"Um, Zoe, and this is—"

Aphrodite was shaking her head sadly. "Too young," she muttered. "Too young to be taking the name of a Hunter."

"Um, that's not really the—"

"At least you finally managed to get Artemis off her high horse with your latest story—"

"—It's not—"

"And… what is THAT?" The last word was a shriek as she pointed at Theia.

"That's Theia," Zoe said. "She's a person."

"No. I mean what is she _wearing?_ Good lord Zeus, that jacket is fit for a hobo. Look at that _stain._"

"Oh, yeah." Theia took off her jacket and waved it in the direction of Aphrodite, who recoiled. "George spat rat bones on me. No biggie."

"EW!" the goddess stood and ran. Zoe and Theia stared at each other for a second before running after her.

If it wasn't for the repeated shrieks they would have lost her. As it was, they finally managed to catch up a little after she stopped to fix her robe where it had gotten mussed during her flight.

"Where did you get that _thing, _anyway?"

Theia made a point of walking in front of her, making her look. "Sorry. No Abercrombie's on the fandom battle field. And the vomit is still fresh, so I haven't had time to—"

The goddess ran again, and again, they followed, coming out in a small clearing with two familiar people.

"Hey Storm, Sheva," Zoe said calmly, as if they had not just chased the goddess of love through a rose garden.

Demeter was smirking. "Sorry. I have an important assignment… elsewhere." And she promptly disappeared, leaving her gardening tools scattered about.

Aphrodite frowned. "No attractive males came to interview me?"

"Sorry," Sheva said, unsympathetic. "Just us obnoxious teenage girls."

"With a horrible fashion sense," Storm added helpfully. "Of course, I refuse to buy an article of clothing that is over ten dollars." Aphrodite pointedly looked away from Storm's Goodwill pants.

"Now… we were going to interview you on emotions and romance." Zoe said firmly.

"Oh. Well. Go ahead. Hey, do I get a picture?" She smiled, showing perfect teeth. Storm snapped a photo, just to make her happy, because they didn't let her upload photos on fanfictions.

"Emotions. So. Hmm." Aphrodite paused. "Emotion is what drives a story. It's highly unlikely that a twelve year old will be a fearless monster fighter. He's afraid. He knows he's not likely to turn thirteen. That's terrifying." She smiled knowingly. "He would be running away sometimes. It's a matter of survival. It surprises me the number of authors who think that a kid would be ready to die for his friends, because most of the time they won't be."

"Percy has that problem too," Storm reminded her, switching back to her macro lens.

"But Percy's _cute._"

Zoe put her hands on her hips. "Hello? Cuteness is not an excuse for a perfect character."

"Theia, put that in caps," Sheva added.

_CUTENESS IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR FEARLESSNESS. NOTHING IS AN EXCUSE FOR FEARLESSNESS. IF THEY ARE CUTE THEY SHOULD BE LESS FEARLESS TO MAKE UP FOR IT. DO NOT GO ON AND ON ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER'S CUTENESS._

Storm turned away from them, and started focusing on a flower. No one else noticed.

"My point is that they need realistic emotions. If the character's mom dies, they're not going to be all 'oh look at this cool camp,' they're going to be really upset. For a long time. Same if one of their questers dies. They can't just move on all of a sudden. They will _feel _it." She sighed dreamily. "Think about how you would feel. And how what they're feeling influences the character. Everyone loves a good revenge story."

"Hello," Zoe said in a Spanish accent. "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"Do you happen to have six fingers on your left hand?" Theia added.

"Exactly." Aphrodite still refused to look at her, lest she see the hobo jacket. "Basically, you need to make them feel. Depressed, joy, grief, fear. We want to be there _inside _their heads, not watching them on a movie screen." She paused another second. "There's nothing worse then a story lacking in emotions. And their emotions affect how they respond to others. A grief stricken teenager will either lash out or be quiet. But their behavior will reflect the turmoil within." She nodded, clearly liking the phrase. "The turmoil within," she said again.

"And they won't be completely self sacrificing either," Zoe commented.

"Yeah. Everyone is a little selfish." Theia made a note. "They should have a couple selfish acts, then, if one of the acts is horrible, they will feel guilty about it later. Or if they let their friend die to save themselves or something."

"Ah, guilt." Aphrodite almost swooned. "Guilt is amazing. So much potential! So tragic!"

"Ew…" Zoe made a gag face.

"Well, it is. There are so many plots that can be born out of guilt alone. " She smiled, as if imagining some epic tale.

"And then… you get to love. Love is what drives any story. It is the most important part. It is—"

"Cliché." Said a younger voice. Everyone turned to see a twelve year old appear on a path.

"Artemis?" Zoe bowed, and Theia and Sheva hastily followed suit. Storm realized what was going on a second later, and bowed as well, hiding her camera behind her back.

"I know you." Artemis frowned at Storm. "You're the girl that keeps torturing my hunters."

Storm shrugged.

"And you," Artemis addressed Zoe, "Made me have a baby."

"Don't worry, it's well written," Storm assured her, and Artemis looked a little less annoyed.

"Anyway. Romance does not need to be the main part of a story. There are many other things one could write about."

Storm and Theia added another section to their notes. _The romance debate._

--

**which will come in the next chapter. Sorry for the delay in getting this one out. I got a new novel idea and have been working on that. I only have a couple more chapters of this one to go. **

**Now, for your review replies. For some reason the previous chapter got deleted, and with it all the reviews. But I still have most of my email notifications, so yeah. **

**Drowning in Technicolor dreams: **Yeah something went screwy with the word in this chapter. I think someone turned off the squiggly red lines on the school computers.

**Luna Jackson: **I have no idea what was up with the italics. I fixed it.

**xXxXGaara'sOneAndOnlyXxXx: **Um, no… not unless they were the girlfriend of a sparkly vampire. But klutziness is NOT a character flaw.

**Olympus Grandur: **Capitalization is important. I can't stress that enough. Lol. And yes I know. Again, the squiggly red lines somehow were turned off on the school computers. No idea who did it.

**If you didn't get a reply it means I lost your review. I am really sorry about this, I really don't know what happened. I tried to fix the italics and everything disappeared. : - ( Hopefully I replied to most of yours on the actual review. If you said something urgent you can rereview the last chapter. **


	8. Aphrodite and Artemis debate Romance

"Romance," Aphrodite declared, examining one fingernail, "is pivotal to any plot. Without a romantic interest, what does you character have?"

"To start," Artemis said, "Personality. We know that they're self reliant and don't need to depend on someone else to save them from evil vampires."

Aphrodite gave her a withering look. "You're trapped in the body of a twelve year old. What do you know?"

"Everything."

The love goddess turned back to Zoe. "Pay no attention to the annoying teenager. As I was saying, without romance, the plot is severely lacking."

"And interesting," Theia pointed out.

Aphrodite scowled. "I do not remember asking for your opinion."

"No one ever asks for my opinion. I give it anyway."

"Be quiet, you annoying fanfiction writer."

Theia opened her mouth, probably go give a long and detailed insult, but Sheva cut her off.

"Romance can sometimes be pulled off, as long as it isn't—"

"Percabeth," Storm and Zoe said at the same time. They looked at each other for a moment, and Storm started talking.

"I mean, you can do percabeth. Sometimes. But it has to be different then the others. When you see a summary saying "PERCABETH PERCABETH PERCABETH" then you can be pretty sure that it's going to look something like this:

"_Percy I love you," said Annabeth._

"_I love you too," said Percy. They kissed, and Athena freaked out._

"_Mom, I love Percy, and I want you to accept that," Annabeth said. _

"Or some other horrible variation. But it all comes down to the same thing." Storm paused, studying a lily-like flower. "It's just annoying. It can be a subplot, maybe. But it has to be balanced."

"I hate Percabeth." Theia looked murderous.

"They're cute!" Aphrodite finally looked at her, but her expression was not pleasant. "They make a great couple. And the writers deserve to honor that."

"It's cliché!"

"So?"

"So it's—It's—" Theia was clearly trying to think of the proper phrasing for what was going through her mind. "It's _annoying _and _mind numbing _and it's usually badly written."

"Sometimes it's good," Sheva pointed out. "There was this one I read once where Annabeth reads one of those lame articles in a magazine, and it was really IC and hilarious."

"Well, yes. Badly written fluff gives me a bad name." Aphrodite acknowledged. "But—"

"You already had a bad name," Theia mumbled.

Aphrodite turned on her. "Be quiet, you, or I'll—"

"Aphrodite, Theia, please!" Artemis looked about as intimidating as a twelve year old could look. "As I was saying earlier, romance is greatly overused. There are times when it can make a good story, and certainly there is a whole industry devoted to publishing books centered around romance. But If all you're going to have is Percy and Annabeth kissing on the beach… well, let's just say that for a romance to be _good _there needs to be character development, complications, and whathaveyou."

"Do my ears deceive me?" Aphrodite gasped. "Did Artemis say she liked romance novels?"

"I said nothing of the sort."

"I think you did!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"OH MY GOD!" Storm bellowed, jumping to her feet. "ARE WE GODS OR ARE WE THREE YEAR OLDS?"

"_We're _gods," Artemis said. "_You're _three."

"I'm fourteen."

The goddess shrugged. "Same thing."

Looking somewhat annoyed, Storm sat back down.

"As we were saying," Aphrodite continued with a very large, very fake smile on her face, "Romance is extremely great in stories—"

"If, and only if, it's well done." Artemis said calmly. "Ish."

"See? Even Artemis admits it!"

Looking fully POed now, Artemis clenched a fist. "I said that it can be well done. I did _not _say I liked to read it."

"Surrre you didn't."

A wolf appeared at Artemis's side. "Do you really want to mess with me? I'll take all your makeup and burn it!"

"I'll help!" Theia raised her hand.

"Be quiet, you!" Aphrodite snapped, and went for Theia's throat. If it wasn't for Zoe's arrow, she would have taken the writer out right then. As it was, Theia had a moment to withdraw a flamethrower and a very long, dangerous looking sword from her backpack.

"Do you really want to mess with me?" She asked in an evil voice.

"Um, Theia?" Storm stood up again. "Hello? She's a goddess. You might want to cal—LOOK OUT!"

Theia dropped to the ground as a golden arrow flew over her head and plunged into the tree next to them. There was a child's laugh, and Eros popped out on a tree next to them, strumming on his bow.

Storm withdrew her own, and she and Zoe both took aim. Sheva raised her scythe. Theia turned on her flamethrower. Artemis blew a whistle, and a large herd of wolves melted out of the bushes and surrounded the goddess, who already had her hunting knives out.

"I'm feeling ganged up on," Eros said in a small voice.

"Bullies!" Aphrodite accused. "Ganging up on people smaller and more defenseless then you. Just you wait…"

"For what?" Theia asked.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Aphrodite roared. "JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU REACH COLLEGE, KID! I'LL MAKE YOUR LOVE LIFE MISERABLE!"

Theia held one finger dangerously close to the flamethrower button. "Don't threaten us."

Another golden arrow flew out of nowhere. In trying to avoid it, Storm sprang backwards and crashed into Zoe. They both hit the ground with a thud, and the arrow landed within two inches of Zoe's head.

"Ew. No offence, Storm, I like you and everything, but I don't want to fall in love with you."

"None taken." Storm sent an arrow at Eros's tree, but Artemis's wolves had already attacked, leaping at the branches.

The scene dissolved into utter chaos after that. Theia managed to get Aphrodite into a headlock. A stray arrow hit a tree nymph who then followed Sheva around for the rest of the day. Storm and Zoe nearly ran out of arrows as the tried to hit the goddess of love or her obnoxious son. And Sheva managed to cut down Eros's tree with her scythe, and Artemis's wolves pinned him to the ground until he swore not to shoot his love arrows at any of the Veritas.

"Storm… can you give me… a hand…?" Theia's muscles were bungling from strain as she tried to hold the goddess in place. Storm ran over, loading another arrow, which she pointed in Aphrodite's face.

"If you don't stop attacking Theia then I'll mess up your makeup," she threatened.

"She's the one attacking me!" The goddess protested.

There was a brief pause, and then Aphrodite started glowing. "I suggest you let go now."

Theia sprang backwards as if burned, covering her eyes. The love goddess vanished in a flash of light.

"Well, _darn _it. I though we had her." Theia frowned, flicking some dirt off the hobo jacket.

"Don't worry about it. She lost. We won. Now let's go help Artemis deal with Eros."

_Excerpt from Storm's notes:_

_Romance can be done well. However, it must be original. You can't have it a story that centers only around the relationship between Annabeth and Percy and then have it follow their happy life together._

_KEEP THEM IN CHARACTER. Really. Can anyone see Annabeth acting all love-y dove-y? _

_It can be done as a subplot, but you must keep them in character._

_It's got to be well written. No one says those long corny lines. They just… don't. _

_**Note from Artemis** _

_Please, can you guys stop getting me pregnant? I'm not suddenly going to sleep with a handsome dude that stumbles across my path. I'd turn them into a jackalope. If you've gotta do it at least think of a reason. (Put away the bow, Eros. Don't even think about it.) _

---

**Announcing FANMORTALS (dot) WEBS (dot) COM**

**This website was created by me and some other Veritas. On it you can nominate and vote for your favorite PJO fanfictions in various categories. It also contains links to writing guides and such. Nomination period ends in 16 days, so check it out. fanmortals(dot)webs(dot)com. **

**---**

**And now, for your review replies. *blows trumpet***

**You Know Who—**that's too bad.

**Shrrgnien—**nice glad it made you laugh though.

**Jessy—**why did you change your penname? The new one is a pain in the butt to type.

**TabbyPrincess—**I don't think Sheva has checked this story in awhile. Well, there is the Verita award. But I'd feel kind of stupid winning it since I run the website. Lol.

**Kal—**here you go, and thanks for joining fanmortal

**Hazel—**You're welcome

**Holly Marie Fowell—**I don't know. There isn't a lot to say on that I don't think because it's really the author's choice. One paragraph chapter usually get pretty negative reviews but no one reads all of 5,000 word chaps either….

**Starlinc—**It's by Zoe Nightshade

**Singerinthesilence—**True. But she's Aphrodite, who isn't known for her battle prowess.


	9. Epilogue on CC

**Sorry this took so long. I though I'd posted it days ago and was wondering why I didn't get any reviews. That was weird. **

**Here we go. The last chapter of the Godly Guide. You can see my pictures from the garden of the gods at flickr(dot)com/photos/amyds**

**O-o**

"So." The four Veritas moved away from the fighting goddesses and back towards the market. "So." Sheva said again. "Should we go over what we learned?"

"Nah. That would be lame." Theia groaned when Storm knelt next to a flower. "Move your butt, Brain."

"Like end-of-chapter exercises in a workbook." Zoë agreed. "And this is not a workbook. It is suggestions and a few rules for writing. Most of it is optional."

"But if you don't follow the main points, we _will_ flame you." Theia grinned.

"And if you want basic guidelines for how to _give _the CC people might listen to, try Storm's Handy Dandy Review Guide." Storm raised one hand dramatically, á la Apollo.

"_1. Start with a compliment, no matter how hard you have to think to get one._

_ 2. Be polite. As in, 'you might want to check your spelling' instead of 'your spelling sucks.'_

_3. Offer suggestions. Instead of "John is a Stu," you could say "John seems a little too perfect. Maybe you should make him a slow runner or something to balance it out." _

_ 4. End with another compliment. They will look upon you in a more friendly light."_

"And _please _try and accept CC," Zoë added, pausing at a stall and buying a tee-shirt that said _I went to Olympus and all I have to show for it is this lousy shirt_. "If there's a lot of it it meant that they spent a lot of time on _your _fic. And they're telling you for a reason. It _is _possible to edit chapters." The last few words were muffled as she pulled the shirt over her head.

Sheva rolled her eyes. "Unless it's a troll. Then we don't bother."

"Yeah, well. I don't consider trolls people. They're computer generated, judging by their language." Storm reminded her. "Worse than Mike-ro-sawft-Sam-as-your-com-p-uters-de-fault-voy-ce

"T for Troll," Theia mused. "It's the only grade worse then P for Poor and D for Dreadful."

Zoë laughed. "Wrong universe."

"I know where I am," Theia said crossly.

"Speaking of being where we are…" Storm frowned. "Anyone else feeling kind of…"

"Yeah." Sheva raised one hand. It was flickering a little bit.

Theia looked around. "Bye. Nice seeing you." She hugged her _Hercules Busts Heads _pack to her chest.

"I'll talk to you all on the forums," Sheva agreed.

"And on fanmortals." Theia was quickly fading, becoming more of an outline in a blue jacket .

Storm opened her mouth to answer, but froze, seemingly unable to move. She was the only one still clearly visible, but stuck mid-blink.

"What's wrong with her?" Zoë asked.

"Probably her internet froze on her again." Sheva guessed. She was right. Within a few minutes, all four of them had vanished, back into cyberspace, so that Storm could type this guide up for your convenience.

O-o

**And that concludes my Godly Guide. I was going to have a whole chapter on giving CC, but it was just going to get tedious because that's all I really had to say on the subject. So I'm ending it here. **

**There was one great suggestion I got from "Should Really Be Sleeping." So, for your general enjoyment and advice:**

I would have thought that Artemis, instead of hesitantly endorsing romance, would approve of friendship. There just aren't good enough friendship stories out there. Or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough, but it seems to me that everyone wants to write a romance and so being 'just friends' isn't really considered good enough, or drama-y enough. It's a pity, really. I think the debate between romance and friendship would have been more interesting then just 'Romance can only be pulled off if you're a good writer'. While that's most certainly true, it won't really stop a lot of people from writing romance. They write romance because it's popular, so to combat that offering up friendship as an option would have been cool.

**And here is some commentary from Zoë: **

Percy and Annabeth call each other "Wise Girl" and "Seaweed Brain" constantly. See, in the book, yes, they call each other Wise Girl and Seaweed Brain, but those names are NOT nicknames! I cannot stress that enough. Annabeth calls Percy "Seaweed Brain" more than Percy calls her "Wise Girl" but they only call each other than every once and a while, not all the time. Percy will call Annabeth "Wise Girl" after they have survived a battle or something, or in the first book, he called her Wise Girl when he chose her to go on the quest with him. Also, yes, Annabeth sometimes calls Percy "Seaweed Brain" but she doesn't say is so much like, "Oh, hey, Seaweed Brain!" Just when he's acting stupid, but even then, DO NOT overdue it. They call each other Percy and Annabeth.

**There are two days left to nominate for the Veritas award! So go do so at fanmortals(dot)webs(dot)com. **

**And now for your long awaited review replies: **

**Graysky: **Um… what do you mean how do you give them flaws? Check out chapter two. And dark secrets don't make Sues. Just… yeah. Give her some flaws. Maybe she's a bad fighter or has horrible judgment.

**Pandaskis: **Thanks! That was my goal.

**Should Really Be Sleeping: **That's a great point, and the reason I posted that comment above.

**Theia space 47: **Maybe he's just pretending…

**You Know Who: **It's "Veritas". And sure, that description fits. Remember. We are not a cult, we are a political party. And who are you? I've been wondering. What's your profile?

**Fishpony: **No, Eros was pretty young.

**Jessy: **That's a cool name…

**Holly: **Yes they do.

**Carlaina: **Trust me. People love reviews no matter how funny they sound.

**Shrrgnien: **Did I call them a herd? Really? I knew it was a pack…

**Encre: **Thanks!

**Tabbyprincess: **fanmortals(dot)webs(dot)com.


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